THE NON-FORD ESCORT

Just what is the going rate for some bomb ass head these days?

I mean if you had to pay for it or put a price tag on oral ecstasy, just exactly what would you be willing to pay? Twenty dollars? Thirty dollars? Dinner and a movie? I mean what if it was some quality head that made your eyes roll up; toes curl like you were having an epileptic seizure and left you in the fetal like a baby sucking your thumb - maybe $50. It really makes one wonder.

Being new to a city, the Internet can become quite an asset in making new friends. With me being new to Detroit, I probably do lean on the net a lil more than I did on the east coast to meet people. Just a note: On the east coast people be exchanging emails and Internet screen names like cell phone numbers. But I must admit, I never really put a lot of stock into Internet liaisons. Surprisingly I've been able to make quite a few quality friendships. Some of those friendships exist even till this very day. I had a premonition not too long ago that I will probably meet my next ex-wife on the Internet. So I got my eye open for her. Lol.

But then there's the “other side” of the net. It is the reason that probably 90% of the cyber inhabitants currently exist - fucking. ;o) Recent scientific reports have revealed that the majority of Internet correspondence is directly linked to boning. And I hate to admit it (maybe I don't hate it that much), but I am guilty of such carnal explorations, which brings me to today's tail (pun intended) of lust and intrigue.

Her screen name was the type that would lure any sexually active heterosexual male. It actually even contained the word “azz.” So me being me, I looked up her profile. Not much poppin' with that, so I noticed that there was a link for her “special photos.” Curiousity driving me and my d!ck, I peeped the link with the photos. Bingo. I hit the mother-load of her naughty and provocative pics. Though a lot of women won't admit it (especially in this forum) but I believe that most women currently possess or have taken erotic pictures. If I had a dolla for every freaky pic a brawd sent me via email I'd be Donald Trump Tight right now. And no I don't share them with my boyz (they become a part of my private stock), I just share the stories. And the reason I don't share the freaky pics is that I don't want anyone recognizing one of the women or end up having it be somebody's girlfriend or sister. Whoa. ;o)

I was certain that this particular woman received a butt loada inquiries from the horny baztards that slither around on the net. I had no clue of how I was gonna get through all the clutter and be recognized by this young lady. I know chicks that received daily inquiries from men totaling in the hundreds. On BP, my screen name is Bad Intentions (more on that moniker at a later date), but it actually helps me get noticed and remembered for its creativity. Well when I tried to connect with this particular woman, it was not working. It took me a month or so of pointless and senseless notes to elicit a decent response from her. But I made the most out of a particularly promising note. I got the digits.

I should mention now that she was 28 and white (more on both factoids later). When we talked on the phone there wasn't a whole lot of chemistry but there was an underlining interest on both our parts. Never did I mention sex or the pics I saw. She informed me that she was heading out of town to Chicago and that possibly we could meet once she returned. She asked me to call her the following Wednesday. I didn't call on Wednesday. But I did call on Friday. She was a Friday type situation. When we talked previously on the phone I did pick up on one or two interesting tidbits. One was that she didn't have a job, but she did have ride (as a matter of fact she owned 4 vehicles) and took frequent trips out of town. I dunno but that stood out to me. Women don't know that I do this, but I'm extremely observant.

Come Friday I hit's her up on the cellie to see what was really good. Judging by the commotion in the background she was with a bunch of friends and there was some drinking and herbal refreshments involved. I was like hey I wanted to know if you wanted to hook up; just holla when you get a minute. Surprisingly she was open to the idea and said that she would call back when she dropped off her friends. I got the call later that evening (less the background noise) and she asked if she could come see me. Normally, I'm not for the strange liaison going down at my place - at least not the first go out. But she mentioned two things that changed my mind - Do you have porn? And do you want me to bring drinks? I was like what the f_ck is this Christmas? ;o) Hell yeah, bring ya azz to Casa De Serial. Besides, at my spot I know where all the weaponry is kept - home court advantage me.

I got myself straight in anticipation of her arrival. But before she got there, she called to ask me something.

Her: Hey would it be cool if I brought my girlfriend over?

Me: Girlfriend? (What part of the game is this?)

Her: Yeah, she and her man just got into and she needs to get out of the house, but I still want to come see you.

Me: Uh okay.

Her: Cool. Thanks baby I'll see you in a lil bit.

Now at that point quite a few scenarios were racing through my head like the Indy 500. One was this a set-up? Are these b!tches gonna get up in the spot and ask me to run my sh!t. Two was this some sorta elaborate set up for some girl-on-girl action or a three-way? Was her girl white, black or even cute? Three, was she having second thoughts and nervous and needed another person with her so I wouldn't rape her. After all, she was fairly tipsy when I spoke with her on the phone. Or finally, was the story about the fight with the significant other a true story. I guess I think too much, but I would soon find out.

When they got to the spot, I met them outside to help carry in the bags of liquor. My initial impressions where as such: She was in no way, shape or fashion 28 years old (she would later admit that she was indeed 38. She used the age 28 as to not attract older men, her preference was in younger black men). So that was a little disappointing. At 38, that meant a whole lotta “mattress mileage.” And then physically she was a big gurl. I knew she was a big gurl from the pics but I don't think I had a real appreciation for how big. Now honestly, I don't automatically discount big gurls (I'm no stranger to the heavy weight division). I've experienced some big gurls with some really good na na fa sho. Besides it was already late on a Friday and I was basically committed to this adventure. And there was alcohol.

As far as looks, she was no Cindy Crawford, but I could tell that probably she was cold back in the day. She had long dark hair that came down her back. Her girlfriend was black and looked to be every bit in her forties (I think she may have been older because she had a grandchild). Alas no matter how much alcohol was going to be involved there'd be no threesome - at least there wouldn't be one with me involved. Now how did she feel about me? I'll use the terminology pleasantly surprised. I'm not a pretty n!gga, but my moms thinks I'm handsome. So she was all on my sh!t. Throughout the night she kept complimenting me on my attractiveness, which actually made me uneasy. Sometimes heaping compliments about my physical appearance makes me wonder about their validity.

Back at the lab, I made us some drinks using their stuff. I had my own sh!t in the liquor cabinet, but they didn't have to know about that. Not to be totally selfish I did share my beer. I put on some classic Biggie to set the mood (no slow jams tonight). This girl was a jump-off and jump-offs need jump-off music. But I must admit, after a brief time, I was at ease and the convo was flowing between the three of us. One thing I should note is that this girl was very attentive to me. In addition to the compliments, she kept straightening up sh!t in my apartment and I even think she washed the dishes in my sink. Afterwards we all went out onto my balcony to star gaze and drink. BIG was still pumpin' in the background. When we came back into the apartment, she asked could she talk to me in my room. At first I didn't think nuttin of it, but then I was like okay here it comes. She takes me out of the room and ole gurl with the man problems will rob me blind. So I was cautious.

Once in the room she closed the door behind me. We were both standing in the middle of my room and this is how the event unfolded:

Her: You have a very nice place here (her sitting down her drink)

Me: thanks I do what I can (looking almost nervous)

Her: I'm glad I came over. You're nice and very, very handsome (kissing my neck and then unzippening my pants)

Me: thanks, I'm glad you decided to come thru (looking perplexed)

Her: uh huh (removing her blouse and bra and then dropping to her knees)

Me: Whoa! (undeciphered look on face)

What happened next is the stuff of Playboy magazine folklore. She took me into her mouth and then proceeded to give me one of the best, if not the best blowjobs I've ever encountered in 35 years. I mean to put it bluntly - the head was CRUCIAL! There was gentle stroking, the right amount of slob, deep throating, side and shaft action and she even addressed the “t'aint” area (you know - it t'aint the azzhole and it t'aint the balls, but that lil zone in between). I was starting to loose it big time. In the background I could hear the Biggie CD stop. So that meant her girl could her that sh!t going down through the wall. I wonder how awkward that must've felt.

Time being a factor and knowing that I could erupt at any moment, she asked me did I have a condom. I got plenty. She says, “I want you to hit it hard from the back while I bend over your bed.” I obliged. I was waxin' that big azz like a hospital floor. After I came, she jumped up, got her clothes back on and then took off my condom. She threw the empty wrapper in the trash and then flushed the condom, all while I stood there with my pants around my ankles. She came back into the room with my washcloth soaped up and proceeded to wash my naughty bits. I said she was attentive. She even straightened up my bed covers and helped me dress. We never did put on that porno. :o(

We walked back out into the living room like nothing just happened. I couldn't even look at her girl in the face even though I shouldn't have been the one embarrassed. We all talked like there was no interruption in the festivities. And all my stuff was still there. They got themselves together and said they had to role, before her girl's man started getting heated. She kissed me on the cheek and rolled. She said that she would get up with me again and we'd have more time. Whatevah.

Weeks had gone by and I hadn't spoken with her. Then one day I was online and saw her page again. There was a new link to her profile page. I clicked on that link and it went to her business web site. Come to find out she was an adult model / paid full-figured “escort” who charged for her services. There was a calendar of her availability and it said that she serviced Detroit and Chicago. Only then did some of the things that alarmed me, begin to make sense.

I guess you just never know about people. Whoa.