WHERE DEM DOLLAS AT!

Being broke sucks – period. Not having the money to even hang with your boyz, which usually doesn’t require much, is even more demoralizing. So when my boy Eric asked me to meet him at a downtown strip club I was lil skeptical because I didn’t have any money, but I went anyway. I had to do something to get my mind off the drudgery of brokeness.

I met him at a lil spot (the name escapes me now) that was located on Baltimore’s infamous “Block”. The Block was a street where the majority of Baltimore’s adult entertainment was located. Most of ‘em featured white women, but there were a few black clubs peppered throughout. I met him at one of the small black clubs.

Twenty bucks does not go far in a strip club. So I had to monitor my fun and funds (lol). I put five on a beer and had ten ones for tipping and the last five for a possible other drink. At the club we were at, my boy Eric and his man were regulars. Most of the girls knew them, so it wasn’t a surprise that a group of dancers was surrounding them at the bar. Eric was getting a lap dance, so I took a spot on the empty stool that he was saving for me next to him. Some chocolate honey, who looked like an extra from Nelly’s Tip Drill video was giving him a lap dance. But my attention was suddenly diverted to the sexy dancer on the front stage.

She was about 5’7”, size 10 redbone with luscious lips and red tinted hair. In the face, she sorta looked like the girl from the movie Friday, the one who kept accusing Craig (Ice Cube’s character) of cheating, but she wasn’t as ghetto as that actress’ character. For a brief moment we made eye contact. She then came across the stage to my spot at the bar. Sprawled out across the bar in front of me she exposed her garter to me. Dayum, I dropped about five ones on her. That was half my budget (lol). But it would pay off. After her set was over, she came over to the bar where our lil group was kickin’ it. She was a homegirl of the shorty that was giving Eric the lap dance. She introduced herself to me and asked me to buy her “a drink.” For the non-strip club-goers, a “drink” is the in-house word for a $20 lap dance that last about 3 songs. I was like naw shawty I’mma have to pass cause I ain’t built like that right now. My man Eric chimed in, “That’s my boy.” For whatever that was worth.

The dancer was cool about it. She was like, “That’s okay sweetie. I’m having a good night, so I’ll buy my own drink and sit with you. Besides, I think you’re cute and I wanna get to know you.” Had I not been familiar with strip clubs, I would’ve thought dayum that’s extremely cool of her. But I knew that all the girls had nightly quotas on the number of drinks they had to generate; regardless of who paid for it. So she got credit for the drink that she bought on my behalf.

For the first couple of songs we sat and chatted about nothing much in particular, but there was plenty of touching and eye contact. I had even totally forgot that I was there with Eric; I was so wrapped up into this dancer. She asked me if she could give me a lap dance for the final song and I was like hell yeah. Somewhere between all the sensual grinding we began to kiss (yeah I know what your thinking). I’m not sure who initiated the kissing but it was very erotic – mostly just lips with just a flicker of tongue. Eric looked at me in amazement. “I guess you two hit it off,” he asked. “Whazzup with that?”

What’s up with that was right. Here I was down at the spot on a humble and was about to “come off” like some panties on prom night. The dancer was kinda hot and she was feelin’ a n!gga. So I asked her for her phone number. She said she wasn’t going to give me her number but that she would take mine. And she took out her cell phone and programmed my name and number into the memory. At the time I was thinking oh here come the bullsh!t, but I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. Normally I take interactions with dancers/strippers with a grain of salt, but there was something vaguely credible about this chick.

We stayed until the club closed and after the club closed we waited out front with the other hounds in hopes of pullin’ some dancers in their “off-duty” time. Eric had already told me that he planned to take the one shawty who was giving him the lap dance home with him and suggested that I grab the girl I was kissing and roll to the spot with him. I liked the sound of the sh!t. All the dancers came outside and the bumrush was on. N!ggas was on them like the new Jordans. Offers of money, breakfast or adventure where being tossed at them much like the dollas where just hours earlier. Eric grabbed the one dancer and her bag and walked her to his car. He said that he would wait for me to get the other girl and tell him what’s up. When I saw my target I swooped her up quick before hawks could get to her. I told her what the deal was and that her girl was going over my man’s house and that she should come so we all could kick it. She declined but asked me if I could walk her up the street to where her “brother” would be picking her up.

Now I’m hardly slow and when I saw dude, I had a hard time believing that he was her brother. Homey didn’t have a brotherly look to him. It was more like I’m that dude that’s diggin’ her out look to him. But to my surprise she took me over to introduce me to the guy. We gave each other dap and she told him that I was a guy that she met that night and that she liked me. Whoa. When she left I told Eric, that he’d be rolling solo. He asked that I call him the next day cause he most certainly would have a story to tell.

True to her word, a couple of days later she called me. We talked a few times on the phone and during those conversations I tried to learn as much as I could about the girl despite the fact that really I only wanted to smash her off. I gathered from our conversations that I was going to have to invest in at least one outing with her in order to hit it. I asked her to go to the movies with me. She didn’t have transportation (I suppose strippin’ don’t pay like used to) so I had to pick her up from downtown. She didn’t want me to come to her resident so I had to meet her somewhere, though I can’t quite remember where I scooped her up from. As we drove to the movies (I decided to take her to a lil out of the way spot I wasn’t known to frequent) we talked the whole time and she told me all of her stories that she thought I’d be interested in. To be honest, the only thing I was really interested in was how the date was going to end. We went to Forty-west theatres to see S.W.A.T. with LL Cool J and Samuel Jackson. When we got into the theater, there was no one else there but us. Just the two of us and this big ole dark movie theater. Hmmmmm. ;o)

Of course the next thing I was thinking was how to pull off an episode in the theater. As we sat in the back row of seats and talked, I strategically broached the subject. She seemed kinda open to the idea, but there was still some shyness. I thought to myself, this chick dances for dollas how shy can she be. So I had to coerce her some how, so we started kissing again as the movie started. The kissing progressed to me lifting and removing her shirt and sucking her breast. She was getting’ hot, so I upped the ante a bit and asked her break me off with some oral. To my surprise, I actually had to debate her for next 10 minutes and convince her how exciting participating in such an act would be. She wasn’t buying it and so I had to really reach and I said, “why don’t you just kiss it then. Kissing it would be cool.” So she kissed it very sexually. I asked her to kiss it again. And soon the kisses turned to sucks. I was geeked. But alas she would not finish the job. And she was to scared to bone in the theater. So we watched the remainder of the movie.

After the flick we got some fast food from the drive thru and headed back downtown. She asked me to stop at this “bar.” It would turn out that the bar was another strip club, but you wouldn’t be able to tell from the outside. She told me she used to dance there and still had girlfriends who danced there, so we went in. She told me to have a seat at the bar and bought me a beer. She went into the back dressing room to see who was working. She returned 15 minutes later very excited. A girl that she knew was dancing. She told me, “You’re gonna like this girl coming up; she got a nice body. Make sure you tip her.” And she was right. The white girl hit the stage and she had a body sistahs would be envious of. Much booty. I had some dollas but not a lot, so my date whipped out some ones and supplied me with some additional cash to supplement my tip stash. So the girl danced on stage as my date and I tipped her well. It was at the moment that I thought to myself, if only I could get all of my dates would offer to take me to a strip joint.

After the strip club, she asked me to take her to a motel that she said actually belonged to another dancer (she used to be involved with) but she was now room sitting for. Room sitting – WTF. I might be slow at times, but who did she think I looked liked – Joe Donut – or something. I would later find out that the room was actually hers and that she was living there. I tried not to care, but it was very bizarre. Instead I focused my attention on the fact that I was about to take this hot lookin’ stripper, who just earlier was breakin’ me off with a lil Lewinsky action, to a motel. Game time.

But the game would not be in play for me. Despite a really good evening and some more kissing at the telly, she stone-walled me on the draws. I couldn’t believe that I couldn’t close the deal. I was not used to suffering such defeats in the battle field. So I got myself together and bounced. I was actually kinda salty about not getting’ none and for the next few days I kept my convos with her brief. I had assumed she was some sort of d!ck tease. She picked up on my change in wanting to see her and finally relented. She called me one weekday morning and asked me to come over to see her. I called in sick and headed to the motel on the east side.

We did the do and I had my way with her much the way I had wanted. But it was an empty sense of accomplishment following my orgasm. This would be one of those rare occasions when I would have to honestly say that I was in it for the hunt. And once the prey was captured and slayed I wasn’t quite sure what do with the remains. We kicked it a lil while longer, but she would eventually leave for a minute to handle a dancing gig out of town in Vegas. When she left, we sorta lost track of each other.