THE ICE CREAM MAN CUMETH
“I’m the type to bring sand to the beach and just leave with more sand!”
J-Ro of the Alkaholiks – “The Flute Song”
For those familiar with the classic movie, Scarface starring Al Pacino, there is a scene where Pacino’s character Tony Montana, is trying to hit on the boss Frank’s wife. He tells her that he’d like to take her out sometime for ice cream or something like that. She looks at him like he sprouted a dick out of his forehead and says something to the effect of, “I don’t fuck around with the help!” Classic movie; classic scene.
Well since the first time I’ve ever saw that scene in that movie, I’ve wanted to add that shit to my repertoire. Not because I wanted to be like Scarface or anything like that, but because I’ve always thought that was some cool shit to do – invite a chick out for some ice cream. I like ice cream; women like ice cream…sounds like a winner. So needless to say I’ve incorporated it into my regular arsenal when appropriate.
It was the summer of 2004 and there came a time when I had the opportunity to do just that – invite a young lady out for ice cream. This particular woman I’d met online and was having quite the time arranging a ‘real life’ meeting with her. I’ve never been one to engage in prolonged Internet communications (even with out of staters). If we couldn’t make it happen in a quick enough turn around, I normally lost interest.
Normally, our conversations on the phone were pretty uneventful. We would cover the basics and whatnot, but that was about it. No extras. Sometimes she would sorta blow me off on the phone, like she really wasn’t that pressed to meet. That was cool. And since I wasn’t a lame, I took it all in stride and just laid in the cut awaiting the most opportune moment. I knew there would come a time when we would meet and then it would be on. ;o)
That moment came one day after work. I called her to see if she would be interested in joining me for some ice cream. It was a scorcher that day, so ice cream would definitely hit the spot. “Sure, I’d like that,” she stated. So that day during my daily trek from Northern Virginia to Baltimore, I decided to make a pit stop in Bladensburg. Because of the long almost 2 hour commute back to B-More, I used to bring a change of clothes with me. I used to like to take advantage of being in the Washington, DC metro area. I had sand there.
I stopped by her place to scoop her up. When she came out to the car, she was okay looking – about a five to six on the hit scale. She had nice breast and a nice ass, but there was also a negative. Upon closer examination, there was an ever so slight mustache happening (lol). It wasn’t enough to give her the dick check test, but it was enough to be concerned about if I was to be with her in the distant future. I could see shorty looking like one of the Whispers down the road. I’m talking she might be rockin’ one of those “daddy style” mustaches.
We get in the Green Machine and go cruising for some ice cream. I swear there wasn’t an ice cream shop nowhere to be found. Not a 31 flavors or anything. We went everywhere looking for a real ice cream shop where you could get some scoops and cones. Almost ready to give up, we decided to just runt into your regular convenience store for some pre-packaged ice cream. There was a park up the street, so we went to the park to chill for a bit and get to know one another a lil better.
At the park, we ate our ice cream, but it became apparent that she was somewhat on my dick. There wasn’t any more of that tryna play me to left shit she was spittin on the phone. Now she was all about getting to know me better and flirting. I was feeling the attention, so I decided to prolong the outing after we’d finished the ice cream. We headed back to her place and parked outside beneath the darkness of the setting sun.
It was funny because we hadn’t really broached the subject of sex, but we gave each other a look and then out of nowhere we were tearing into each other and busting slob (for the record I didn’t feel her mustache when I kissed her – lol). It was some straight “OZ” I been in the joint for a minute action taking place. Without thinking I lifted her shirt, removed her lacy bra and began sucking her breast as she moaned. Now as far as the whip goes, I might have darker factory tint on the rear windows, but the front windows are only slightly tinted (maybe 5-10%), which meant as a result of us parked directly beneath the street lamp, one could see the activity taking place in the front seat.
Sure enough someone did see the action taking place. We stopped as we saw a figure moving near her front door. I should probably mention here that she shared a house with her brother, but that wasn’t a problem. The problem was that her brother was cool with her ex, who lived in the neighborhood. Her brother had let the ex in to wait for ole gurl to get home. Seeing how she was taking so long to get back, the ex decided to bounce. It was as he was leaving that we were entangled in our street side lust. He had to have peeped the action.
Ice cream girl: Shit! What is he doing here?
Serial Dater: You know dude?
Ice cream girl: Yeah that’s my ex. He be still coming around sometimes…tryna get some pussy. My brother must’ve let him in. That mutherfucka know better than to be coming around unannounced.
Serial Dater: Is this gonna be a problem? Cause I ain’t tryna come between some shit you got with dude.
Ice cream girl: Naw, it’s not gonna be a problem. If he saw us – oh well. I bet that’ll teach his ass to be coming around without calling me first to see if it’s cool.
Dude walked right by the car looking straight ahead. He didn’t even acknowledge us, but he also didn’t look too happy either. I watched him continue to roll out until he was out of eyesight. I wasn’t feelin’ good about the situation {Word to MC Eiht, I didn’t want, “Niggas after me for fucking one of they hood rats”}.
Ice cream girl: Don’t worry about him. Now back to us and this shit you startin’ in the car. You know you got me all worked up and now you gonna have to finish the job.
Serial Dater: Shit we wasting time talkin’. Let’s get to it.
Ice cream girl: No not here. In the house, you can come in baby.
So we went into the house she shared with her brother. I never met him; he stayed in his room the whole time. She asked me to chill for a moment down stairs while she went up stairs to straighten her room. I got upstairs to her room and there was soft music playing, candles and scents burning. She had one of those beds with the metal frame above it and the satin cloths draped eloquently around it. Like something from a bed, bath and beyond catalogue. The fan made the satin cloths seem to float almost. She asked me to get comfortable on the bed and take off my shoes. She then went to the bathroom to freshen up.
Ms. Ice Cream girl came back with a nightie on and one goal on her mind – getting off. And I wanted to get her off too. I had already invested too much of my evening into this outing, so now it was time for the pay-off. As the music play, she undressed me. By the time she removed my boxers I had already begun to sport a sizeable chubby. She took me into her mouth with a hungriness that was borderline illegal. I lay in ecstasy as this brain surgeon sucked, licked, slurped and recessitated my chubby into a full-blown erection. Game time.
She pulled out a stash of rubbers and placed one gently onto my manhood. From there, we tore into each other like it would most definitely be the last time we’d see each other. Missionary, her on top, doggie style, her legs pinned behind her head – until we both exploded. She went to retrieve me a bottled water as I lay in her bed exhausted. She lay beside me for a few moments, but then her insatiable appetite required more. She didn’t asked if I could go again, she just took me into her mouth and kept at it until I was fully erect again.
Ice cream girl: There’s one more thing I need you to do.
Serial Dater: What’s that?
Ice cream girl: You gotta fuck me in the ass baby. You got the right sized dick.
Serial Dater: Oh really.
She went back to her stash box and pulled out some lubricant. She placed some lube on her finger and then placed it onto her anus. I just watched. This woman was definitely a veteran.
Ice cream girl: You don’t have do anything but get behind me doggy style and be still. I can handle the rest.
Serial Dater: Do you {smiles}
Sure enough, I didn’t have to do anything but stand still. After self-applying the lube, she got on all fours and backed her ass on to my super hard dick. Then she dropped it like its hot, bouncing her ass up and down on top of me and fingering herself. I let her do her thing for a minute, but then it was time for me to show here what I was working with. I banged her asshole like a screen door in a hurricane. With each stroke, she gripped the sheets harder and harder. Then, for a second time we both exploded.
Cost to replace gas in SUV - $10
Ice creams for two - $4.35
Aggressive anal sex – Priceless
HEY THE ICE CREAM MAN IS CUMMIN!
J-Ro of the Alkaholiks – “The Flute Song”
For those familiar with the classic movie, Scarface starring Al Pacino, there is a scene where Pacino’s character Tony Montana, is trying to hit on the boss Frank’s wife. He tells her that he’d like to take her out sometime for ice cream or something like that. She looks at him like he sprouted a dick out of his forehead and says something to the effect of, “I don’t fuck around with the help!” Classic movie; classic scene.
Well since the first time I’ve ever saw that scene in that movie, I’ve wanted to add that shit to my repertoire. Not because I wanted to be like Scarface or anything like that, but because I’ve always thought that was some cool shit to do – invite a chick out for some ice cream. I like ice cream; women like ice cream…sounds like a winner. So needless to say I’ve incorporated it into my regular arsenal when appropriate.
It was the summer of 2004 and there came a time when I had the opportunity to do just that – invite a young lady out for ice cream. This particular woman I’d met online and was having quite the time arranging a ‘real life’ meeting with her. I’ve never been one to engage in prolonged Internet communications (even with out of staters). If we couldn’t make it happen in a quick enough turn around, I normally lost interest.
Normally, our conversations on the phone were pretty uneventful. We would cover the basics and whatnot, but that was about it. No extras. Sometimes she would sorta blow me off on the phone, like she really wasn’t that pressed to meet. That was cool. And since I wasn’t a lame, I took it all in stride and just laid in the cut awaiting the most opportune moment. I knew there would come a time when we would meet and then it would be on. ;o)
That moment came one day after work. I called her to see if she would be interested in joining me for some ice cream. It was a scorcher that day, so ice cream would definitely hit the spot. “Sure, I’d like that,” she stated. So that day during my daily trek from Northern Virginia to Baltimore, I decided to make a pit stop in Bladensburg. Because of the long almost 2 hour commute back to B-More, I used to bring a change of clothes with me. I used to like to take advantage of being in the Washington, DC metro area. I had sand there.
I stopped by her place to scoop her up. When she came out to the car, she was okay looking – about a five to six on the hit scale. She had nice breast and a nice ass, but there was also a negative. Upon closer examination, there was an ever so slight mustache happening (lol). It wasn’t enough to give her the dick check test, but it was enough to be concerned about if I was to be with her in the distant future. I could see shorty looking like one of the Whispers down the road. I’m talking she might be rockin’ one of those “daddy style” mustaches.
We get in the Green Machine and go cruising for some ice cream. I swear there wasn’t an ice cream shop nowhere to be found. Not a 31 flavors or anything. We went everywhere looking for a real ice cream shop where you could get some scoops and cones. Almost ready to give up, we decided to just runt into your regular convenience store for some pre-packaged ice cream. There was a park up the street, so we went to the park to chill for a bit and get to know one another a lil better.
At the park, we ate our ice cream, but it became apparent that she was somewhat on my dick. There wasn’t any more of that tryna play me to left shit she was spittin on the phone. Now she was all about getting to know me better and flirting. I was feeling the attention, so I decided to prolong the outing after we’d finished the ice cream. We headed back to her place and parked outside beneath the darkness of the setting sun.
It was funny because we hadn’t really broached the subject of sex, but we gave each other a look and then out of nowhere we were tearing into each other and busting slob (for the record I didn’t feel her mustache when I kissed her – lol). It was some straight “OZ” I been in the joint for a minute action taking place. Without thinking I lifted her shirt, removed her lacy bra and began sucking her breast as she moaned. Now as far as the whip goes, I might have darker factory tint on the rear windows, but the front windows are only slightly tinted (maybe 5-10%), which meant as a result of us parked directly beneath the street lamp, one could see the activity taking place in the front seat.
Sure enough someone did see the action taking place. We stopped as we saw a figure moving near her front door. I should probably mention here that she shared a house with her brother, but that wasn’t a problem. The problem was that her brother was cool with her ex, who lived in the neighborhood. Her brother had let the ex in to wait for ole gurl to get home. Seeing how she was taking so long to get back, the ex decided to bounce. It was as he was leaving that we were entangled in our street side lust. He had to have peeped the action.
Ice cream girl: Shit! What is he doing here?
Serial Dater: You know dude?
Ice cream girl: Yeah that’s my ex. He be still coming around sometimes…tryna get some pussy. My brother must’ve let him in. That mutherfucka know better than to be coming around unannounced.
Serial Dater: Is this gonna be a problem? Cause I ain’t tryna come between some shit you got with dude.
Ice cream girl: Naw, it’s not gonna be a problem. If he saw us – oh well. I bet that’ll teach his ass to be coming around without calling me first to see if it’s cool.
Dude walked right by the car looking straight ahead. He didn’t even acknowledge us, but he also didn’t look too happy either. I watched him continue to roll out until he was out of eyesight. I wasn’t feelin’ good about the situation {Word to MC Eiht, I didn’t want, “Niggas after me for fucking one of they hood rats”}.
Ice cream girl: Don’t worry about him. Now back to us and this shit you startin’ in the car. You know you got me all worked up and now you gonna have to finish the job.
Serial Dater: Shit we wasting time talkin’. Let’s get to it.
Ice cream girl: No not here. In the house, you can come in baby.
So we went into the house she shared with her brother. I never met him; he stayed in his room the whole time. She asked me to chill for a moment down stairs while she went up stairs to straighten her room. I got upstairs to her room and there was soft music playing, candles and scents burning. She had one of those beds with the metal frame above it and the satin cloths draped eloquently around it. Like something from a bed, bath and beyond catalogue. The fan made the satin cloths seem to float almost. She asked me to get comfortable on the bed and take off my shoes. She then went to the bathroom to freshen up.
Ms. Ice Cream girl came back with a nightie on and one goal on her mind – getting off. And I wanted to get her off too. I had already invested too much of my evening into this outing, so now it was time for the pay-off. As the music play, she undressed me. By the time she removed my boxers I had already begun to sport a sizeable chubby. She took me into her mouth with a hungriness that was borderline illegal. I lay in ecstasy as this brain surgeon sucked, licked, slurped and recessitated my chubby into a full-blown erection. Game time.
She pulled out a stash of rubbers and placed one gently onto my manhood. From there, we tore into each other like it would most definitely be the last time we’d see each other. Missionary, her on top, doggie style, her legs pinned behind her head – until we both exploded. She went to retrieve me a bottled water as I lay in her bed exhausted. She lay beside me for a few moments, but then her insatiable appetite required more. She didn’t asked if I could go again, she just took me into her mouth and kept at it until I was fully erect again.
Ice cream girl: There’s one more thing I need you to do.
Serial Dater: What’s that?
Ice cream girl: You gotta fuck me in the ass baby. You got the right sized dick.
Serial Dater: Oh really.
She went back to her stash box and pulled out some lubricant. She placed some lube on her finger and then placed it onto her anus. I just watched. This woman was definitely a veteran.
Ice cream girl: You don’t have do anything but get behind me doggy style and be still. I can handle the rest.
Serial Dater: Do you {smiles}
Sure enough, I didn’t have to do anything but stand still. After self-applying the lube, she got on all fours and backed her ass on to my super hard dick. Then she dropped it like its hot, bouncing her ass up and down on top of me and fingering herself. I let her do her thing for a minute, but then it was time for me to show here what I was working with. I banged her asshole like a screen door in a hurricane. With each stroke, she gripped the sheets harder and harder. Then, for a second time we both exploded.
Cost to replace gas in SUV - $10
Ice creams for two - $4.35
Aggressive anal sex – Priceless
HEY THE ICE CREAM MAN IS CUMMIN!
posted by The_Practitioner | 7:53 PM
34 Comments:
Ooooohh I get to be 'the first'!
I love the title of this post!
LMAO @ “Aggressive anal sex = Priceless”. All I can say is damn! Why is it when I read you post I get this warm, tingly feeling inside? You have got to stop doing that to me (smile)!
Come check out my latest post when you get some time. I gave you a shout out!
I came back by to say sorry for the "nickname" Serial!
But I have to admit that you make habitual copulating sound soooooooooooooooooo good.
Take care sweetie!
It's all good luv. No hard feelings (keep it on the low, but I ain't that sensitive).
;o)
OMG!!! LOL!!!! I am almost speechless!!! So detailed and not offending or rude. I will be checking your blog again soon.
"Priceless" - HILARIOUS!
:-S.....i think im a cornball
LOL....I didn't feel her mustache when I kissed her..I promise you are too funny.
Mind blowing sex is always priceless (lol)
I wonder what oh boy was thinking when he walked past lol
LOL @ the mustache comment. A little peach fuzz can be kind of cute but when she has enough to comb or trim it then ewww!
Aggressive anal sex really is priceless.
I have actually used that line....no, the other one...
"I don't fuck around with the help!"
...yea, I'mma bitch like that some times.
I hate ice cream.
What's up SD...been missing you. I think I done seen't you somewhere before......*wink*
Now I always say nasty azz, but here it just fits (and I guess it did then too, LOL). I was just waiting for you to say ya'll were interrupted by her ex coming back or you came out and saw damage to your car. But I agree with insane. I know ya'll say the more the better, but sometimes, you just have to say it ain't worth it. Cuz I know you had to have had some regulars you could call, and I'm sure you still do. But seriously, why do people insist on keeping a moustache that is noticeable even when someone is not in your personal space? I know they see that mess when they look in the mirror, just like everybody else sees it!
Insane: I know, I know. Trust luv, I don't take those kinds of chances any more. These days I'm a more kindler and gentler Serial. Regarding your request see: http://mydatingadventures.blogspot.com/2005/10/thats-sound-of-police.html
Sis Ecletic: Make the call. ;o)
Miss A: don't think it be it!
Dee: See comment for Insane
Alli: Miss me when I'm gone. In meantime get at me (lol)
Funky: Welcum to my lil soire. Feel free to make your presence felt in the future
Journie: She Got A Mustache!
Freaky: Anal is priceless (lol)
In the words of the immortal Biggie Smalls..."Anal???"
I'm with Brewster...I'm noticing a pattern here...you appear to get a lot of azz. And you're short? Lemme find out....;)
Why do men like anal? my momma told me to reserve that for one the primary was worn out.
And to be very careful,it could mean something else.
Okay see, I may have one little two little nasty stories on my blog, but this takes the cake, Mr. Zane!!!
:-P
"You gotta fuck me in the ass baby. You got the right sized dick."
That ain't a compliment bruh. What she should have said was " NIgga you ain't putting that monster in my ass"
"You got the right size dick" Cmon maaan she saying you got a little Wee Wee. Hitting the switches in her Sugar walls wasn't enough.
"If the dick don't fit put it where I shiiit!!!!! lol...
Another story like this and I will revoke yo pimp status..lol
Slishter, Come on bruh. You zeroed in on the part about my dick. :o(
Tell me you didn't skip down to get to that part (lol).
But on the real, she meant "right size" as in okay, I really wanna do anal and this guy's size won't cause bleeding (lol).
And regarding those others with anal-related commentary...I didn't request nor suggest this act. So I don't have closet homosexual issues - sheeesh (lol). Believe it or not some chicks are really into that shit on the low. ;o)
My motto - "If you a woman and you got lube, I'll put it in the tube"
Bang 'Em Smurf - Out
I must say that I was not expecting that lil twist at the end of the story. You gotta be careful though. Homeboy could have came back with some of his partners and you coulda caught a royal ass whupping. Im not sayin u couldnt possibly hold it down. But it could be tough tryna hold it down against 8 people
"I banged her asshole like a screen door in a hurricane."
lawd but if that ain't one of the best lines EVAR. LAWD.
lmao@you not feeling her mustache when you kissed her. dude, there were so many funny moments in this one i'm crying cuz i can't laugh out loud at work.
u stories r pretty funny. it seems they all point in the direction of sex. be easy don't let sex take ur lights out! these words r out of luv.
Sweetness: You're kinda late to the party, but er uh welcum. ;o)
shhhh - allow me to let you in on a little secret...these stories are old. And I tried to take the sex outta the stories, but shhhhh....THEY won't let me. ;o)
Nikki: Let it all out luv. ;o)
Insane#2: (I'm getting my insanes mixed up) I saw her one more time. Actually a couple of days prior to me moving to Michigan. Think repeat of the first encounter.
Oh
My
Lor.
d.
That is something I was wondering, is there a certain "can talk about it date" for these stories? I haven't read them all since the beginning, but I've been reading them for a while, and I think either you last one was 2004 or early 2005?
lol@Mr.slish....someone's a hater.
"Cost to replace gas in SUV - $10
Ice creams for two - $4.35
Aggressive anal sex – Priceless"
LMAO!!! your stories are so freaking funny!
A woman with a mustache...ick...
Sup Cereal Dater!! Thought I'd roll over here and make sure you're still holdin it down! You'z a straight fool...as usual!
Take care!
Your friendly neighborhood witch
as the TIME use to say " Ice Cream Castles in the Summertime"
WWWOOOOOWWWW. I'm speechless.
Beat it like a screen door in a hurricane...You need to write of book of hilrious, but speficif analogies. I LOVE IT!
Why am I thinking about Eddie Murphy's old "Ice Cream" joke? I got some iiiiiiice cream, i got some iiiiiiiice cream and you can't have none cuz yo mama's on welfare and yo daddy's on druuuugs. i got some iiiiiiiice creeeeeeeeeeam. LOL memba dat?
Aunt Bunny fell down the steps and Ice Cream man hurricane bangin in da arse. Classic! LOL
Serial...what haven't you done? lol I swear, it's something new e'er time I come up in this joint
Dayum I love your stories!!! If it wasn't for the fact that my husband would read some of my "past pimp exploits" and NOT APPRECIATE IT, I'd reminisce in this fashion too! So, I'll just have to live vicariously through your blog!
Loves it!!! LOL
Wow! Like Robin said, us married women would love to tell tales, but you know......
re: "I wonder what oh boy was thinking when he walked past lol" ~honey-libra
I'm sure he was thinkin' pure pissivity, cuz he knew that somebody else's erection was wreckin' that rectum tonight.
You haeld me spellbound up till the very end of ur post and then I exploded in fits of laughter!!! U R WICKED MAN!!!
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